Sunday, May 31, 2015

Day Four

I've been reading the comments on a post by The Bloggess about mental illness this morning.  I can relate to so many of them.  In a way it makes me feel better because I realize I'm not the only one.  I can also see how flawed the thinking is when looking at it from the outside.  It also makes me feel sad and angry.  I feel sad and angry for myself and everybody else that has to live with those sorts of feelings and thoughts.  It's scary.  It's debilitating.  It's crippling.  I've lived this way for as long as I can remember and I'm just so tired.  I keep saying I'll write about it.  One day I will write about it when I'm ready.

Anyway, yesterday I ate about 1300 calories.  I don't feel as anxious this morning, but I have a feeling that's going to change.

Last night my daughter and I had a Jurassic Park marathon.  All. Night. Long.  We watched all three movies twice.  Nobody can accuse us of not being Jurassic Park fans.  We're getting ready for Jurassic World.  We'll definitely be in line for that on June 12th.

I pulled out some of my cross stitch stuff last night and decided I really want to do The Guardian by Teresa Wentzler.  It's a massive undertaking, but I love that picture.  I've got so many other things to do this summer, though.  This would be, of course, after I finish the Majestic Unicorns and the Unicorns of Vengeance.

I've decided I need to be more aggressive in cleaning out that room.  It's just not coming along like I wanted.  I'm going to have to throw out about half of what's in there.  I'm a hoarder, so this is not something I take lightly.  I've already thrown out a whole garbage can full of stuff which is a real accomplishment for me.  I think what I may do this morning is take my anxiety meds, take a nice warm bath, and just go in there and start throwing out.

Update:  I knew today wasn't going to be a good day this morning when I realized my mother was probably in a bad mood.  (I can't live alone because my intense anxiety renders me nonfunctional at times.)  Whenever my mother does this, I have overwhelming anxiety.  This stems from my childhood.  Anyway, I've been unable to function well this morning and have gotten very little done.  I've just taken my meds again and I'm waiting for that to start working then I'll try to go clean the laundry room.  (I seriously want a great big tub of Death by Chocolate right now.)

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